Some people thinks Razzogno is the
village which preserved in the best way the pride of its own origins
and traditions, some other people thinks it is only a village
of fucking racists.
Visiting this country can be difficult since the Razzogno dialect
is so harsh and close that neither those who speak it can understand
what themselves are saying. In any case the inhabitants of the
place refuse to speak other languages or dialects and they never
talk to the strangers.
Handicraft
In Razzogno it is almost impossible to purchase whichever goods
inasmuch as the producers are so proud of their products and get
so attached to the, that they refuse to sell them or even, if
they do it, just after the purchase they repent and assault the
new customers ripping them the goods by strucking them with blows
and accusing them to try to dispossess Razzogno of its own traditions.
In any case the very low manual skill of the Razzogno people,
their very weak capacity of concentration, and the total lack
of inventiveness and fantasy that characterizes them, makes the
local handicraft very poorly attractive for the tourist.
The typical products are: the pillows
paddings made of balled newspaper sheets, the pebbles'
baskets to be thrown against the immigrants, the paint
made of pig sewage to draw racist graffitis on the walls, the
spiked maces for thrashings, the crosses to be brandished in demonstrations.
The most characteristic handicraft product of Razzogno is however
the QWS pig urine, that the villagers
use to pour around the country and the fields. A local superstition
maintains in fact that such apotropaic gesture avoids the advent
of mosques or Islamic communities, which anyway does not have
any intention to settle down in Razzogno. The shedding of that
liquid gives however to the entire country a characteristic odour,
which can be perceived even from far away.
What to see
In the village center lies the Museum of intolerance,
that encloses various collections of racist, sexist and discriminatory
graffiti, but the visit is only allowed under permission of the
staff of the ticket office, that usually denies it.
The Saint Brutus Cathedral can be visited
only on Sunday, in occasion of the holy mass, and after getting
through an examination of traditionalist liturgical culture to
be stood in Latin before a commission of lefebvrian bishops. Once
admitted in the church it must obligatorily attend the solemn
mass in Latin, that endures four hours and must be must be heared
kneeling on raw chickpeas and wearing a cilice; the Hosts for
the Communion are made of pressed bran and have a weight of 300
grams each.
Festivities and
popular traditions
The Saint patron of Razzogno is by tradition Saint
Mertotius, a three years child who was elected Pope in the
year 126 before Christ and martyrized by shots of kalashnikov
while he said Mass by a cell of Negro Hebrew communists. The festivity
takes place in August and contemplates a three-days man-hunting
aimed to capture every immigrant found around the country. Due
to the absence of immigrates and the summery period in which it
occurrs, the festivity unfailingly ends with the lynching of several
villagers returning from the summer vacations, and therefore suntanned.
It is also characteristic the historical remembrance that animates
the streets of Razzogno every year around Christmas, with the
very realistic reconstruction of a pogrom, and the Rottweiler
dogs races, which take place every year in summer.
Gastronomy
The climate of Razzogno, humid and cold, is not suitable for agriculture,
therefore the fields and the orchards of the village yield just
weeds and uneatable fruits, which are consumed exclusively raw
or boiled for long time. The Razzognese cooking moreover does
not includes seasonings or flavours. The tasting of the local
products is however absolutely improbable, inasmuch as in the
village there are no restaurants and no Razzognese villager would
ever invite to lunch a foreigner.
Entertainment
The traditional Razzognese pastime are the night
patrols against immigrates. In the village actually there
are no immigrates, neither from the neighbouring villages, and
therefore the patrols end with brawls and mutual aggressions between
the several bands of different political tendencies (nazis, ku-klux
klan, fascists, racists, anti-Islamics, catholic fundamentalists
etc.) when they fortuitously fall in one other.
To the victims of the brawls during the patrols it must add those
that incur fractures and luxations in the following days, slipping
on the wax of the torches, according to the well-known "Moratti
effect", already experimented in Milan.
Another traditional pastime are the protest road
blocks, leaded by the local governors, in case of crimes committed
by immigrants (or attributed to them). The best throat-cutting
and rapes performed by the natives, instead don't stir protests
up, in how much they are considered normal actions, especially
in the case the victims are women of the place, which are considered
as a private property of the males of the village, and therefore
easily accepted as victims of violence.
Welcome
From far away the Razzogno hotels facades
look decorated with valuable miniatures, but going closer it can
be seen that those that looked like hieroglyphics are instead
just a long directory of nationalities and geographic origins
that follow the notice "I cannot get it" sticked
on the entrance door.
The inside walls of the hotels are instead filled by the notice:
"go and work, idle ones!" translated in 387 languages
and dialects still spoken to you, and in 129 dead languages.
Before being admitted in the hotel any tourist must spent a period
of quarantine, fast and prayer, and pay in advance the fee for
the next thirty nights.
How to get there
No sign helps to reach the country by car, but in case somebody
would succeed in doing it, it is advisable to speed up when passing
the sign "Welcome in Razzogno" behind which the
snipers hired by the tourist office are lain in wait to provide
the acceptance for the foreigners.
Contacts
The tourist office lies in Gallows square and it takes care of
the direct transfer of the new comers in the village to the temporary
permanence centre "Augusto Pinochet", situated in the
area of Razzogno stadium. Due to the strong affluence it is advisable
to reserve with a certain advance in order to avoid to remain
without a cell.
page
created: March
2nd 2008 and last updated: June 6dh 2009