cowshit (cattle humour)

- "With our fodder your animals can produce even two liters of milk a day." "But my cows already produce twenty, fifty liters." "Cows? I was talking about hens!" (Bruno D'Alfonso)

- "You know, I bought a cow." "But where do you keep her?" "In the bedroom" "But, it stinks!" "No matter, she's getting accustomed to!"

- My bull is sick, but I'll personally do my best to act for him, until he gets well. (Jean-Charles)

- Who was the first guy that look at a cow and said, " I think that I'll drink whatever comes out of those things when I squeeze?" (Calvin & Hobbes by Bill Watterson)

- A bull is heavy, violent, threatening and aggressive, with four legs and sharp horns. While the toreador is just a little brilliantined Spanish man. (Eric Idle)

- The toreador entered the arena first, then the bull came in. Done the introducing, the bullfight began. (Jean-Charles)

- If the prodigal son had announced in advance his arrival, the fat calf had eaten less. (Fabio Di Iorio)

- Beware of the ox in front, the mule at the back, the monk on all sides. (Miguel De Cervantes)

- A cop goes on holiday into the country and one morning he resolves to help the farmer.
"My good man, do you need a helping hand?"
"Wow, I can hardly believe it! So, take this stool, catch that pail, go and milk Betsy."
"Yes sir!" says the cop to be a little funny, and disappears into the cowshed.
Half an hour goes by, an hour goes by, but the cop doesn't come back. Then two hours later here he comes out.
"You had a lot of trouble milking Betsy, hadn't you?!" says the farmer to make fun of him.
"No, I milked her quickly!" explains quite thoughtful the cop. "What was difficult was to sit her down on the stool!" (Il Vernacoliere, August 2013)

- To err is human, to moo is bovine. (Bathroom Reader)

- A cow is a mammal with legs reaching the ground.
A cow is not an ox and doesn't lay eggs like a hen.
From its head grow about two eyes. A cow has donkey ears. Besides grow two curves from its head. At the end of the back it got something: the tail, with a tuft of hair to drive the flies away.
We eat its inside and with its outside the cobbler makes leather. The cow's offspring is not named cow, since is named calf.
A cow doesn't eat much, but when eats food, eats twice, so it got enough of it. When is hungry it goes moo and when it doesn't say nothing it means its inside is all full of milk.
Under the cow you got milk. It's equipped for milking. Before milking the stockwoman washes her hands, nipples and the pail.
It must close the stable's door, to impeach the microbes to get in.
Farmers have losses because the oxen pulls the cart and get tired, so gives less milk.
A cow calves once a year, thanks to the bull, which is a cow without an udder. The calves more appreciated for their meat come from the mating of a white father with a Norman mother.
In artificial insemination the veterinarian replaces the bull. (Jean-Charles)

my works of upsetting scientific vulgarization on cattle

my cartoons on cattle    

cow-mics: cartoons on cattle 

page last updated: August 9th 2013